Thoughts

  • The infamous yellow band

    We sell bands in red (“no”), green (“yes”), and yellow (“ask”). The yellow band is special to me: It was a yellow band that inspired me to start the project. But it’s also controversial.

    Why? Because as one friend said, “‘Ask’ should always be assumed.” By including an “ask” band, the thinking goes, I was implying that sometimes “yes” means “grab me without asking”.

    It’s a valid point, one that our first custom-band client Neuq/FS seemingly agrees with: Their order was only for the red and green bands. The same goes for “The Booty Call”, a new party that ordered their own red and green bands from another source. (Which is great! The Consentbands idea belongs to everybody.) I actually agree with this point internally: If I were to wear a green band, I’d still want people to ask before touching.

    At the same time, I know of parties like Meat Market at Club Church, where “ask” is simply not part of the event. I’m reminded of a partner when I was in college in Ohio, a townie who was partly raised by a biker gang in place of absent parents. She told me that some of them just liked to fight, full-on fistfights that sometimes ended with broken noses and concussions. It was their entertainment. I was horrified, but as she said, “It’s not a problem — as long as they only fight people who also want to fight.”

    In an integrated society, someone who goes to events like Meat Market might also go to yours. This is what real diversity is: Groups of different people agreeing to different rules of behaviour among themselves, then adapting to new rules in new situations. That such diverse cultures can happily coexist is too often overlooked by people dug too deeply in their own subcultures, from all social and political backgrounds.

    That’s why it’s so important for each cultural leader to define what “yes”, “no”, and “ask” means. It must be explicit and it must be communicated. The world is bigger than your little family. Sometime “ask” makes sense; sometimes it doesn’t. You, as a cultural leader, have to decide that.

    (One upshot from this discussion: We now offer a red/green two-band set for €5 with free shipping worldwide. The three-band set is €6.)

    I’ve been trying to figure out how Consentbands, as a business, can encourage party organisers and cultural leaders to be explicit about what “Yes”, “No”, and “Ask” mean in their contexts. One idea is to include a laminated sign (or at least a digital file) in each Vendor Pack, with rules specified by the customer.

    What are your ideas?

  • Consentbands: The relaunch!

    It’s been almost a year since the Consentbands project started! I’ve done almost no marketing except posting about it here on FetLife last July. I fulfilled a bunch of orders (including a custom run for Neuq/FilthySinners), and learned from your ideas and comments.

    Now it’s time to relaunch! Here’s what’s new:

    • The website has been completely revamped: See it at https://consentbands.com/.
    • We now offer free worldwide shipping for everything (except bulk band orders).
    • The product line has been drastically simplified. You can now get a two-band set (green/red) for €5 and a three-band set for €6.
    • Want to sell them at your own event? €40 gets you 30 bands plus a wooden display stand with your logo or message custom-lasered in!
    • As before, we’re happy to create custom consentbands for you (starting at 500 per colour).

    Organisationally, I’m very happy to welcome James, who’s helping with marketing and fulfillment. He’s busy with outreach to both autistic and sex-positive communities — two places where we think consentbands will be most appreciated. He writes, “As someone who believes focus on consent needs to be more emphasized, I knew this was an initiative I wanted to get involved with.”

    As always, we welcome your ideas and thoughts, whether expressed publicly or through DM. Thanks for your support!

  • The Consentbands idea belongs to everybody

    TLDR: Feel free to make your own Consentbands. Name/use/price them as you like: The more, the merrier. Just don’t copy my distinctive design features (e.g. fonts, “Consentbands.com” trademark).

    TLBGTRA:

    Consentbands.com has clearly struck a nerve. I think it has the potential to be one of those fortune-building ideas, if exploited right. (Pet Rocks and I Can Has Cheezburger? made their creators millionaires.) Consentbands.com is a for-profit company. And I like money.

    However…

    • It’s not an original idea. As I wrote, I’d seen Tyvek bands at parties for years and gay hanky codes go back decades. Here are some bands from recent play parties in San Francisco. (Thanks to stephthegeek!)
    • I created them to scratch my own itch. Their benefit to the public (and to me, personally) is more important than the money.
    • The Consentband system benefits from network effects. The more people who recognise the red/green/yellow, X/O/slash, Yes/No/Ask system, the more value they have to their wearers. So it’s in my interest to spread the idea, regardless of who makes the bands.
    • If they’re successful, they’re going to be copied anyway. I’ve built in two defenses to this. First, I sell them as cheap as possible so there’s not much profit in underselling me. Second, the bands themselves are only part of the picture. Packaging, customer service, community connections, distribution networks, etc. all make it hard for someone else to replicate what I’m trying to create with Consentbands.com.
    • I like the idea that others are taking the idea and running with it. Branded Consentbands are a great souvenir.
    • Already people are using them in ways I didn’t imagine. Trying to control the concept, besides being doomed to fail, would stifle unexpected uses.

    So — party on! (And by the way, you can make custom orders of at least 500 bands per colour through me. 🙂 )